On the subject of WORA only briefly. It seems like, upon further observation, only part of the population blows off steam. Part of them have legitimate concerns, although still choose to express them in insulting ways.


Now moving on. I may or may not actually record my voice and post it, within the next year at some point. There is a problem.

It seems I am much less sure of myself when I'm not reading a script written by somebody else. When it's me, I get nervous quick like. I had an interesting conversation the other day involving the reasons behind this, but I forgot most of it sadly. What's the point of having a conversation if I can't remember?

The gist of it was, though, that I'm desperate for the people who like me to keep liking me, and that's the same reason I'm so freaking nice. I had said - and I was at least partially correct - that I prefer typing to speech when I don't know or can't see a person, because I have more time to think about what I'm saying.

So they theorized about the reason I might want to have more time to think. If I have more time to think, I'm less likely to alienate someone who is my friend, or someone who is a potential friend. They suggested that if I had a smaller social circle than most teenagers my age, I would put more energy in keeping the friends I have than finding new ones.

I think they are wrong... If you over-examine any behavior, you will somehow be able to see narcissism behind it all, albeit very minor. I don't know if it would technically be classed as narcissism, considering in my case they were claiming it had to do with self-preservation.

The thing I find wrong with this is that I am nice to people who would never be my friends in a million years. I don't let people walk on me quite the way people seem to perceive online, but I am nice none the less.

He had suggested that I reminded him of the kid who does homework for the cool kids, just to get them to talk to me. (He knows I'm home schooled, though) The example I used was 'If those cool kids ignored me every day, I'd ignore them. If they asked for help after ignoring me for years, I'd help them without hesitation if I thought I could without doing all the work for them, and I'd expect nothing in return. I'd in fact expect them to start ignoring me again...'

This sort of altruistic behavior, people don't understand, so they try to explain it, with what they know about me. I don't even understand it, honestly. People do not expect altruism from other people. They expect to owe other people something when they receive help... Even emergency workers, with the exception of some volunteers, take compensation. I don't know if I'm truly altruistic, but I never consciously make a choice to help someone, based on what I'll get in return. Flaw or merit, I don't know.

It seems like a flaw in that, if I'm constantly helping other people who ask for it, when will I find time to help myself?


Really, there could be any number of reasons I'm actually afraid of recording my own train of thought, in my own voice. But I can't think of any that weren't already addressed by this guy's theory, right now. I still hold that he's wrong :(